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  • Imani White

Fear and Failure

Initially, I had begun to write about these two topics as if they did not coexist. However, it seems like every time failure is mentioned, fear is right around the corner. And each time fear is mentioned, it is failure that his hidden beneath the surface. What if I fail? What if I don't host this party correctly? What if I don't pay my bills? What if I can't get to work on time? What if I can't keep my nerves controlled on this date? What if-what if-what if-what if. Are you not simply tired of it all? My dear friend, you may need to learn something that a professor taught me last semester. That phrase goes a little something like this...

..."What you try to control, will end up controlling you."

Let that sink in for a second. Yeah...I know. I don't know about you but I was not aware of just how much and how desperately I tried to control every single last detail in my life. My days were scheduled by the minute. Literally---the minute. You should see my old planner. (Part of the reason I do not keep a planner on my person anymore.) But in that control, I learned another important lesson. Control is not the same as having power. Power comes from one's confidence in who they are. This internal sense is so solid, that their days are unshakable. Regardless of what happens, they have a small voice inside that reassures them that some how in some way the day will pass, the time will pass and the pain will pass. When it has passed, a strength will arise which would have been unattainable prior to that certain situation. I don't know about you, but I would rather be known as a powerful young woman than a woman who tries to control her whole life. (And it's more fun this way.)

Now I am not going to give you "Imani's top ten ways to avoid fear and failure." Why? Because it would be a complete disservice to you if I did. It's impossible. You can not escape fear or failure...ever. And that is because they are needed. It's how we become strong. If you were not afraid in your entire life, you would not know when to protect yourself. You would travel through life blindly. Like I had mentioned in my last blog post, in the old caveman days, fear is what triggered their brain into action. That is just what it does for us now. It forces you to react, move, persevere,and inevitably grow. You can not run from it. The only way to make it disappear is by facing it. Every time.

As far as failure? I KNOW you have heard this one: if you had never fallen as a baby, how would you know how to get up and walk? Keep that thought, let it grow in your mind. You'll know what I mean. However there is another gift to failure, it can confirm who you are.In some cases, failure inspires us to work harder. In other cases, it lets us know where our limit is and humbles us. We may learn that is not where our path aligns and we can begin pursuing a new adventure. But we would never know when to stop and search for a new dream if we had never "failed." (I believe if you learn something from it, it's never a failure. Yes = cheesy. Yes = the truth.) Welcome the failure. Just think how much more awesome you're going to be when you get through it!!